Be Mine (English Traslation) 6

Hi! This is one of the chapters that I was anxiously waiting to write since the idea of this fic became something tangible, but it wasn´t easy, because in order to make Paul a “real man” I had to write him with human flaws and taking very bad decisions, which is hard to do with  the “hero” of the story… It´s a love/hate relationship for me too!

I hope you like it, it´s my favorite chapter so far.

Oh! And the song of the chapter is perfect for Paul, please listen to it while reading, it helps to set the mood.

Finally, you can see on my profile the ways you can contact me through my blog or Facebook. There´s a few extras there that I´m sure will be appreciated further on the story.

I´m very grateful to those that take the time to comment, and especially to the super- generous readers that correct me by (sweetly) pointing my screw ups so I can fix them.

And about that! There´s a kind soul that has offered to be my beta, so soon you will start reading without fighting to decipher my (sometimes) terrible verbs conjugations. She will start from the beginning and I´ll repost the chapters corrected until we get to the point to be working together.

Hugs!

A.

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Chapter 6

Off through the new day's mist I run
Out from the new day's mist I have come
We shift
Pulsing the earth
Company we keep
Roaming the land while you sleep
Shape shift, Nose to the wind
Shape shift, Feeling I've been
Move swift, All senses clean
Earth's gift, Back to the meaning of life

Of wolf and Men / Metallica

PAUL POV

Claudia is one of my “steady” girls. She´s twenty one years old, lives in Port Angeles, works as a waitress on a shitty bar and likes to have irresponsible, drunken, crazed, sexy fun.

In other words, when she´s lonely or I´m bored, a simple phone call could turn things more… Interesting.

Obviously, what´s between us is purely physical, there´s no exclusivity agreements and we never see each other for anything that requires the usage of clothing.

Clau is attractive on an obvious, predictable, flashy way. Blond. And I mean very, very blond. Green, almond shaped eyes, that always make me think of a cat. Long, thick lashes (those might be fake, although, who cares?). Huge tits. Nice ass. Small waist. Voluptuous and vulgar… Physically, Bella´s antithesis.

And that´s why I picked her. If I can show Bella the kind of disgusting asshole that I am, and the type of skanks that I fuck, she´ll hate me and will leave me alone. Then, I´ll shag Clau, and I´m pretty sure that this imprint bullshit will go away.

Farfetched? Maybe, but is all I have right now.

Expending time with Bella made me realize that she´s actually a nice girl, and doesn´t deserve to be stuck with someone as fucked up as me…”

“She deserves someone like Jacob” – I though, justifying my crappy plan – “Is Jacob who should have imprinted on her.

“But she´s perfect FOR US! “– Growled The Wolf.

“Yeah, but we are not perfect for her “– I answered – “What do I have to offer? What kind of future, when I´m not even completely human? If I´m emotionally fucked by the Old Man?”

“Jacob is not a human either…” - Reasoned The Wolf.

“But he´s in contact with his humanity... At least his father and sisters create a real family. Besides, Bella is a pale face; I can´t force her to stay in La Push forever while I run in the forest chasing vamps at crazy hours… I can´t be with her, not now that I actually care about her… Not now that she became more than just the idea of an imprint… She´s the woman. And she deserves something better.

I don´t know how to love, but I´m pretty sure I’ll screw it soon enough.

I don´t know how to have a normal relationship with a girl, and I´m not using the “trial and error” method on Bella.”

The Wolf growled and shook his head in frustration.

“Paul, you’re a hopeless ass.”

oooOooo

Claudia was anxiously waiting for me on the street in front of her building, looking exactly like you could expect to look such a stereotypically trashy bottle- blond to look for a bonfire on the beach.

A low cut satin blouse in some shade of pink; a white suede jacket; a skirt that could have been a belt by the look of how much it covered… And some white needle heel boots.

“She´s gonna freeze.”

“She´s gonna bury the heels of those ridiculous boots as soon as we hit the sand.”

“That fucking jacket is gonna get ruined with the salt and the air´s humidity.”

I smiled.

But been the bastard that I am, I didn´t said anything or give her the chance to change into something more appropriate.

Firstly, because is her own fucking problem if she didn´t took a look at the calendar or/and the map to found out that it is winter in Washington, and secondly because she looks like a cheap tramp and that would surely attract Bella´s rage if she thinks this is her replacement.

 -Pauly! – She ran to me hanging herself from my neck and smashing a kiss on my lips

I had trouble concealing just how much I detest the stench of her perfume.

-Hi Clau, what’s up? – I asked opening the car door for her while smiling, all polished and shit.

Yeah, the thing is, I may lack of manners, but I know what women like, and this gentleman on the outside/savage on the sac crap, for some reason makes them wild... Although, just to be clear, I´m not evil, Ok?… I don´t ever go out with ladies. 

-You know I´m always good, did you said we are going to a beach party? – She asked taking a bottle of whisky out of her purse as soon I started the car. Then drank a mouthful, and offered the bottle to me.

As I as saying, I don´t go out with ladies.

-Yeah, but first is the bonfire, that part is important… - I said - Your role will be to stay by my side and to be very quiet. After that, we can do whatever you want – I offered.

-At your place? – She asked excited.

-If you really want to… - I said resigned. It would be the price to pay to get rid of this imprint.

As a general rule, I hate to take girls to mi place, because they stench it for days after I forgot their names. Well except for Bella, I liked having her there, she smells amazing.

-Oh yes, I would love to go to your place! And do it on a bed! – She said happily while drinking from her bottle. If she continues like that she would be drunk before we reach Forks.

I felt sorry for the poor girl, whose biggest expectations with me where to get laid on a horizontal position, maybe on a bed, and not against a wall in some alley or a pool table after her bar closed.

I keep saying it, I´m a bastard.

-I´m bored! – She declared while playing with the radio – Road head? – She asked biting her lips and evaluating my reaction in what I can only assume was a seductive way.

-Not now Clau, thanks – I said thinking that by then I should have had a nice boner, but nop. Not even road head was attractive anymore… Damn imprint! Damn Bella Swan! Damn blue balls! And damn it all if I become impotent! – Let´s leave it for later, now I have to focus on the wet pavement – I said calmly.

Did I just rejected a blowjob? Oh shit, how I hate this motherfucker imprint!

-Fine, your loss – She said taking a piece of gum from her purse, and started chomping noisily. Apparently Clau just needed something on her mouth, and if it was for chewing, I was glad I didn´t let her get near my dick.

                                                                                         oooOooo                          

We arrived just in time to sit around the fire. Everyone was already there, and I could see Bella from far away. She looked amazing on those sinfully tight jeans and a sexy little black leather jacket. She had just removed an elastic band from her hair and it looked all long and wild… Like I supposed it would looked after having a couple of rounds of crazy sex…

Fuuuuuuck! And now, I have a hard-on.

That woman has the potential to completely control my life, she has way too much power over me, and that knowledge confirms that I´m doing the right thing by following my plan.

Suddenly she lifted her head, looked in my direction, and smiled brilliantly when she saw me… Then she gave a couple of steps on my direction, but just then she noticed Clau, who chose that moment to put her hands on the back pockets of my jeans. The idiot was half frozen on her inappropriate outfit and was attracted to my body heat.

Bella frowned as she didn´t get what was going on, and stopped, staring.

But when Clau stood on her toes to nuzzle my neck, there was no room for interpretation about what kind of sonofabitch I am.

Her face froze and her luminous smile was replaced by a cold mask of indifference, and she turned haughtily towards Jacob who was chatting sear the fire. When he felt her sitting next to him, he enveloped her on a hug and then sited her on his lap.

The Wolf roared furious inside of me, and Sam and Emily sent me daggers with their eyes, but I ignored them and found a place across my Pack and Bella.

Fortunately, it was then that Billy Black started with the Tribe´s Legends, distracting us all from the uncomfortable situation.

Clau fell asleep almost immediately with her head on my shoulder. Short attention span and all…

And Bella… Fuck me, Bella started to cry.

Jacob consoled her, thinking that she was suffering for the destiny of the third wife from the stories… No one more than Sam and Emily knew the scale of my betrayal.

When the more solemn part of the night was over, the older people left and the party started. The boys were systematically barbequing everything they could reach, and Jacob and Bella left almost immediately.

They went to walk on the beach.

Bella still had some lonely tears falling from time to time, and Jake seem frustrated, probably trying to found WTF was going on.  

 The Wolf growled pissed and jealous as fuck, and I almost run to remodel Jacob´s face when he hugged her. Mine.

But Paul The Man had other plans.

I dragged Clau to the trail parallel to the beach, almost running, until we passed Bella and Jake, and made her descend to the sand with me, carrying her half of the way. Then I pushed her to the ground and throw myself on top of her, introducing one hand under her blouse and with the other I caressed her naked legs.

She arched her back and kissed me passionately, stroking my tongue with hers and playing with the stainless steel ball on her tongue, the one that that according to her own admission, was put in there to give better head.

With Clau everything was easy, she could go from cero to a hundred in a second, she didn´t wanted flowers or poetry, she wanted to fuck… She was like a guy in that sense… So I didn´t felt bad for using her, because she was also using me. She didn´t care about me, and I was fine with that.

Unfortunately, nothing of what we were doing was going to end in sex under the stars, because Clau´s kisses and caresses were doing nothing to stimulate my depressed cock. My body just refused to react to this sexy and more than willing girl.

But precisely when I realized that there was no way to fake an erection in front of Clau and that I couldn´t keep kissing her without wanting to barf, I heard…

-Paul! – Yeah, of course it was her… Bella.

-Oh! Sorry for interrupt – Said Jacob, ashamed.

-Paul… - Repeated Bella kind of choked, hugging her chest.

-Hi, I´m Claudia – Said my date with a beauty queen´s smile and perfectly at ease on the compromising position that we were found, with me still resting between her legs.

-Let´s go Jake… – Whispered Bella.

-Yeah, sure, sure… - He said still hypnotized with Clau´s open legs – See ya! – He waved good bye.

During the all exchange I couldn´t speak a word, dumbfounded by the expression of raw pain on Bella´s eyes.

Was I doing the right thing?

All of the way back from where we were to the bonfire, I could hear Bella´s quiet sobs, until they were swallowed by the party noises.

-I don´t feel right – I said completely honest.

-What can I do to make you feel better? – Asked Clau caressing my leg near my limp, useless dick.
-Nothing, I´m taking you home – I told her. Agh, I wanted to vomit my guts.

-But I thought that we were staying at your place! – She pouted, and sitting on the sand, she took her whisky bottle from her purse and drank like… I don´t know… Half of it in one huge gulp.

-Change of plans, take your stuff, we´re leaving now – I told her. I didn´t gave a flying fuck about what Clau wanted or not. Shit, just be by her side felt so wrong… And I was feeling dirty from the inside out…

-Paul! – She complained when I dragged her to my car by pulling her arm.

-Let´s go! – I growled. And scared her. Great.

Dammit! I needed The Wolf, because in human form these emotions hurt too much…

I drove to P.A. as fast as I could, and left Clau at her apartment without a word.

Then I left my car in a public parking lot and ran to the city limits. I kept the jeans with my keys and wallet and secure it to my leg. I got rid of the rest of my stuff.

Then I shifted and ran.

Faster than ever.

Farther than ever.

oooOooo

I ran for hours until I exhaust myself.

I hunted, drank water and ran again.

I felt drained, but as soon as I recovered some of my energy, the cycle started again.

I ignored the voices that asked me to return… I even ignored the direct order of my Alpha… Imprinting is an instinct stronger than any mandate of the Pack Leader, and at that moment I was dealing with that… My imprint… The most important event of a wolf´s life.

And in less than a week I screw it forever.

oooOooo

My mind is shutting down slowly until I finally stop hearing the voices that order and beg me to come back.

I can´t stop thinking about Bella and her expression when she saw me at the bonfire, she looked happy, excited, and then… When she saw me with Clau… Fuck, this was supposed to be for the best! Why the hell I can´t forget her? Shit!

Aaaaaaaaaaah! I was a motherfucker, the true spawn of the bastard that was the Old Man… I didn´t just hurt her… I had to fucking kick on the guts when she was down…

I did that to her on purpose… I put those tears in her eyes… And now it all sounds so absurd on my silent head… Why did I wanted to escape in the first place? Escape from what exactly? The woman that I love? My woman?

It´s already done, I have to finish what I started, but is literally killing me…

And the cycle continues. Run until I pass out for exhaustion, I hunt, I drink, and I run again…

oooOooo

I think I ran for four days without stopping to rest… I can´t sleep anymore… When I fall to the ground completely drained is just my body repairing itself, but my mind never rest. Neither my miserable, rotting heart.

The Wolf howls in pain, and The Man is paralyzed on his despair.

Keep on going, just a little bit more! The distance must help to severe the bond, after all we didn´t even consummated… Fucking hell, I can´t think about that right now…  Dammit! Why does it hurts so bad! If there is something I have been familiar with my all life it´s pain, but nothing can compare to this agony…

Bella… Princess… I need you so fucking much… We need you, The Wolf never wanted to leave you in the first place…

The Wolf whines and curls into a ball. There´s nowhere to go, there´s only this… Loneliness and suffering.

oooOooo

I don´t run.

I don´t hunt.

I just lay somewhere in the forest… I don´t even know which one, because by now I don´t care where I go.

Sometimes I drink some water from a puddle, if it rains, but I don´t make any effort for finding a better or at least cleaner source.

I don´t do anything anymore… The Wolf needs her imprint… The Wolf wants to go back home and beg for her forgiveness… Beg her to accept us both… But The Human still refuses.

The Human wants to keep running north, and that damn conflict has us in an impasse, incapable of advance or retreat.

I think The Wolf is getting physically sick… The chest pains are extending to the rest of his body… The Wolf is thinner… He´s not what he used to… He´s weak.

oooOooo

The Man and The Wolf are dying, if that´s even possible… Is it? Yeah, at least that´s how it feels…The Wolf can´t or won´t stand up anymore, absolutely vulnerable to the damage that can inflict on him the predators, the hunters and himself…

The Wolf doesn´t howl anymore… Just whimpers softly… The Human made a mistake… He know that now… The Human wants to go back home... to her…

The Human is repentant, but it doesn´t matter… It seems to be too late.

It´s physically impossible for either of us to move. There’s no energy left… There´s too much pain tormenting us.

We close our eyes and daydream about deep, brown eyes; pink, kissable lips; perfect, pale skin; and sounds… Those small sounds… Little whimpers… Princess…!

oooOooo

The Human and The Wolf are finally in synchrony… We´re finally one entity, no longer separated by The Human´s denial to accept his destiny. They have accepted their imprint and made peace with the idea that they are really dying.

oooOooo

In our delirium images of Bella start to pass through our mind like a photomontage, over and over again… Every second that we shared with her, every time that I saw her from far away, despising her, blinded by on my own prejudices… And finally I try to rescue moments that she shared with Jacob. Moments that he remembered while sharing his mind with the Pack.

I don´t like those memories… He´s are much more varied and detailed than mine, because they shared a lot of time together, but those don´t provide any comfort, because they´re not ours… I don´t want to die with borrowed memories of my Princess.

Fuck no! I´ll die reliving the few minutes when everything was perfect in the world… Those precious minutes on my kitchen table that I cut short ´cause of my cowardice… If only I could do some things differently… Treat her right… Just… Ask her permission to see her again…

The images are passing faster and faster and I´m getting dizzy and kind of nauseous, but it has been days since I have nothing to barf…

Yes, I see it clearly know… But it´s time to face the end.   

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You will tell… Like? Yes-No? What do you think happen with Bella on the meantime?

Please share with me, and I´ll keep the updates. This story is finished, so I´m not curious about the end… Is up to you!