Be Mine (English Translation) 8

I'm sorry for taking so much time to update, it was a combination of a lot of work, little time for myself and a series of newly acquired hobbies. But don´t despair, that my New Year's resolution is to finish this translation, and to remove it from my list of "pending"

I hope that as always you are understanding and consider that English is not my mother tongue, so I am going to make mistakes. I will be happy if you want to help me or give me your constructive criticism, so the story maintains its integrity and you enjoy it as I imagined it.

A hug.

A.

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Capítulo 8

I make believe that you are here
It's the only way I can see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy
And every time I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And every time I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby
I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song's my sorry

Everytime / Glen Hansard

Paul POV

The wolf is crying ... The man feels it.

The pain seizes both of them.

Bella I'm sorry... I didn´t appreciated the gift of the imprint, the gift you gave me when you accept me despite all my shit, despite me been an insufferable asshole, who tried to fuck you on the kitchen table the very day we met, who then didn’t call you in a week... You forgave it all, I saw it in your eyes on the day of the campfire... And me? I betrayed you and I abandoned you... And if it is true what they say about the imprint being a bond that ties both ends, then I think that right now I must be causing you a hell of a lot of pain...

oooOooo

I slide into unconsciousness. I don´t recognize the passage of the hours or the days...

I have vomited every time I try to drink... eating is not even a possibility anymore, but my body is strong and resilient and continues to heal.

I feel on the verge of death, I want it, I ask for it, but it doesn´t come...

I only have my remorse to keep me company. And again, I fall unconscious.

oooOooo

-“Jacob stay as a wolf, it's an order!” - A voice called near my side.

“I want to help Sam, damn it!” Baby Alpha complained, telepathically.

-“Obey!” - The Alpha's voice roared – “Paul... Listen to me” - He turned to me – “You are going to stand up and you are going to follow us to the truck. It's an order!” - He shouted, and the timbre of his voice makes it impossible to deny him.

Slowly I opened my eyes and howled in pain. The light felt like daggers going through my eyeballs. I tentatively stood up. I fell to the ground a couple of times, but I tried again, because the damn Alpha command had to be obeyed.

Step by step I moved after Sam, who kept his human form, with Jacob in my rear shaped as a wolf. My body complained for the effort and demanded me to let it die in peace, but the instinct of the wolf urged me to continue.

The wolf had been right before and I owed it my submission now. The wolf made good decisions.

After hours of walking we finally reached a dirt road where I could see Bella's truck parked in the distance. Hope overwhelmed me and I clumsily ran towards her, thinking that my princess would be waiting for me inside, but I found the truck empty.

I turned to Sam and Jacob that were near me, and looked at them questioningly.

“Why is she not here? Why do you have her truck?” I asked Jacob in my mind, voluntarily resetting my telepathic connection with the pack. Images of Bella in a hospital bed assaulted me causing me to fall to the ground ... my Bella was dying, suffering the same as me but without the advantage of the accelerated self-regeneration of the wolves ... My Bella could be dead now ... And all the images were stained with the sorrow and rage of Jacob, who was too obfuscated to utter words in his mind.

-“Shift Paul” - The Alpha ordered.

Some part of my brain wanted to obey him, but the pain, the anguish and the guilt overpowered my will and I stayed there, on the ground, in the shape of a wolf, curled into a ball and houling. I cried for a long time and Sam allowed it silently.

My mental anguish was so painful, that Jacob could not stand it anymore and shifted to his human form.

I vaguely heard them talking, but didn´t pay attention until Sam took his cell phone out of the truck and made a call.

-“Hello Charlie?” – He greeted.

-“Sam! Did you found him?” - Charlie asked without bothering to say hello.

-“Yes, he's with us” - Sam replied, dryly.

-“What time do you arrive?” – Demanded to know Charlie.

-“Eh ... We don´t know...” - Said Sam, intimidated by my father-in-law – “He still hasn´t changed back into a human and we cannot travel with a giant wolf loose in the truck...”

-“He doesn´t want to transform?” - Roared Bella´s dad – “And what the fuck is he doing that he doesn´t want to change?”

-“He's lying on the floor pretty much crying like a baby since he saw Bella's state in Jake's mind” - Sam replied.

Well, Thank you very much, you bastard!

-“Paul, are you listening to me?” - Charlie asked, growling.

-“I would bet that he is…” – Replied Sam with a smile.

-“Listen, Paul, I like this situation very, very little, I can assure you... but my daughter needs you, and if she gets to... if she...” – His voice broke and I howled again… I honestly didn´t want to hear him say whatever tragic shit he wanted to say – “If she gets worse, I'm going to skin you myself to make a carpet for my fireplace! Now, man-up and drag your hairy ass to the hospital right now or I'll go and I´ll drag you personally!” - He yelled.

Shiiiiit!

Needless to say, I obeyed.

-“I'm sorry Charlie” - I said gasping, still on the floor, but already in human form. Sam thanked Charlie, who didn´t deign to answer and cut the connection, meanwhile Jacob started the engine of the truck and I put on my shorts.

The trip to Forks was several hours long and we mostly ignored each other. Jacob was furious, Sam worried and I was guilty.

A perfectly silent hell in the little cabin of Bella´s red truck.

But after a few hours I could not stand the silence anymore.

-“How did you find me?” - I asked quietly.

-“We went to look for the last place where we saw you, the place where you were when we still had the telepathic connection. Then Jacob and I tracked you... it was not that complicated, but it was tedious... your movements were erratic, you went round in a circle and you changed direction again and again...”

-“I know... it was my fight with the wolf... he wanted to return, I wanted to go away... and ended up circling...” - I said thoughtfully – “I'm sorry Sam... There are no words to explain how I feel about everything I did to them, to the pack, to my friends, to Emily... and to my Bella”

-“You. Don´t. Deserve. Bella.” - Jacob said through clenched teeth, his jaw tight and his knuckles white from squeezing the steering wheel.

-“Do you think I don´t know that already? Why the fuck do you think I left? Because she deserves better! Because she deserves someone like you...! But the fucking bond doesn´t go away, it gets stronger and stronger and if I keep fighting it, it will kill us both! I'm sorry Jacob... Believe me I didn´t choose what is happening, but I cannot fight it anymore... I love her... I love her with everything I am... Even when I know that she is too good for me”.

-“You wanted her to stay with me?” - Asked Jacob, surprised.

-“Why do you think I made her see me grabbing Clau´s ass on the beach, Jacob? I live alone, if I want to fuck, I can do it in the comfort of my house without dragging my balls in the sand!”

-“I'm sorry Paul... I thought...” - He said shaking his head – “I'm sorry... But if you hurt her again I swear, I'm not going to kill you” - He threatened.

-“You won´t kill me?” - I asked, confused.

-“Nop... Now you have a father-in-law who is the Chief of Police to take care of you... And he told us that if you hurt his daughter, he will torture you and kill you, and that your body will never be recovered...” – Jacob said shrugging, apparently very satisfied with himself.

Fuck me! I have a father-in-law who handles weapons on top of all my smoking pile of shit! Oh please, please Taha Aki, kill me now!

oooOooo

The trip was interrupted by several stops scheduled so Sam and Jacob could fulfill their need to eat mountains of junk food while I kept barfing and dry retching on the side of the road.

I wasn´t able to stand up for myself, or even drink water from a bottle without vomiting again.

The pain kept increasing with each minute separated from my Bella, even worse now that I knew she was sick.

Hurry up, you fucking pigs!

How much shit is Jacob Black able to swallow in one sitting? Six hot dogs every two hours? Is he serious? Agh ... I have to throw up again.

oooOooo

We arrived the to the Forks Hospital on Thursday at 3:34 p.m. Almost 3 weeks after that horrible day of the campfire...

I got out of the truck and somehow ran to the Intensive Care Unit. I could feel her before opening the door of her room and pouncing on her sobbing like a lost child.

Charlie tried to get me away from her, tried to throw me away, but Sam and Jacob held him back.

Well, I didn´t wanted to end up biting and spitting out my father-in-law's arm before being formally introduced.

My Bella ... so fragile ... her pale skin now looked translucent, her blue veins glimpsed beneath her delicate complexion, her cheeks were sunken and there were dark circles around her eyes.

She was connected to all kinds of machines and monitors and a huge tube was directly connected into her stomach, pumping food inside it. I looked at her, horrified.

-“It's the only way to feed her” - Charlie said – “She refuses to eat and vomits if we feed her while being conscious. She has been in a coma for 3 days... we can´t wake her up...” - His voice broke.

-“I'm here now” - I answered with a hoarse voice. Rationally I knew that my imprint would respond to my presence, just like I already felt better being by her side, in physical contact. The wolf was about to begin to purr of content.

And he would have, if he had not been so damn terrified of losing his Bella.

oooOooo

I spent the whole afternoon in the hospital with Bella, but at night there was only one companion allowed in the room. I tried to argue that it should be me, but Charlie shut me up with a couple of dry phrases, so Sam dragged me out of the hospital so the Rez doctor could check me out.

I accepted reluctantly. I didn´t felt physically able to separate myself far from Bella again, but the combination of the Alpha order plus my own guilt for all the problems I had caused, made me obey.

Collin's father was the Rez doctor, and he ran the small clinic. In truth, Collin Sr. is a male nurse, but since no doctor can approach the wolves of The Reserve, he has become our unofficial doctor, mixing Western medicine with our ancestral traditions. Sue Clearwater helped him with the task.

They were both waiting for me when Sam and I arrived.

Sue hugged me affectionately, kissed my two cheeks and then slapped me, hard.

-“Don't do it again Paul, we love you, but I will not allow you to keep acting like an idiot. You hurt that girl again and I'm going to whip your ass!” - She threatened.

-“Get in line, Sue” - I said very seriously – “There are lots of people aiming at my butt at the moment”.

-“Come inside Paul, let's check you out” - Said Collin Senior, trying to speed things up.

After a thorough examination they determined that he had lost thirty pounds, that I was dehydrated, and that I needed food and vitamins urgently or I risked permanent (Or as permanent as it can be for a wolf) liver damage, among other things.

The cure for everything was basically rest and Bella ... I didn´t need anything else.

oooOooo

I returned to the hospital as soon as they finished with the exams. Although Charlie would not allow me to enter into the room, I felt calmer knowing that she was only a few yards away.

I spent the night in an uncomfortable chair, but I didn´t care. I couldn´t sleep anyway...

The next day Charlie went home to take a shower and to get a change clothes; he threatened me for a good 10 minutes before leaving, and finally I could be with my princess all alone... I saw her so goddamn vulnerable, so sick, so fragile... and all because of me...

I began to talk to her, to tell her the story of my life, to explain the reasons for my abandonment, of what I had suffered without her... Clinging to her hand I spoke to her and I cried ... Holy Shit! I´m such a pussy! I had cried more these days than in all the rest of my live!

Suddenly I felt a small contraction in the muscles of her fingers ... I raised my face to her and I could see her open her eyes, slightly out of focus. Then she looked me in the eye, smiled languidly, and went back to unconsciousness before I could say anything, before I could beg her for forgiveness or tell her that I love her.

oooOooo

The news that Bella had awakened flew through The Reservation. Charlie and the rest of the pack crammed into a small room. We all wanted to be there when my princess woke up again. But the hours passed and nothing changed. Frustration started to grow and Charlie suddenly rebuked me.

-“You're sure of what you saw, boy? That you didn´t imagine her opening her eyes?”

-“Of course I'm sure!” - I defended myself.

-Calm down, Paul, Charlie has the right to ask - Sam interjected, touching my arm.

-“Sorry...” - I said unwillingly, but was interrupted by Charlie who focused on Bella.

-“Bells, Bells, come back!” - He pleaded, and we could see that the fingers of Bella's closest hand were moving slightly.

-“Mmmmmh” - She moaned.

-“Bella... my baby girl” - Charlie sobbed in relief. I couldn’t contain myself, and tears rolled down my cheek... And then we saw her open her beautiful eyes, totally out of focus. She blinked several times and said

-“Daaa… ad…” -With a hoarse voice.

-“Bella, stay with us... I need you so much, my baby, my girl...” –Begged Charlie, crying openly.

But nobody would dare to call him unmanly.

-“Do… Don´t… Cry” – She said, frowning.

-“Princess I'm sorry...” - I said, unable to hold myself any longer.

-“Pau... ul?” - She whispered, searching for me with her eyes. She recognized me! But then she frowned, looking pissed, and said – “What... happen to you? Are you sick?”

Around me several people erupted in laughter.

-“Bella, you just woke up from a deep coma and wonder if Paul looks sick?” – Asked Jacob, probably bothered because she cared about me. And I do not blame him.

-“Jake! Is just that... Paul... thinner...” - And then she turned on the waterworks.

Shit, princess, don´t cry!

Fuck, it hurt!

The wolf wanted to drop to the floor and wait for the sweet relief of death.

-“Paul, you better get out” - Said Charlie – “You're bothering her...”

-“Don´t!” - She said stretching her fingertips towards me.

-“No!” - I exclaimed furiously, about to transform myself right there, in the hospital - “I'm not going to leave again, Charlie, I thought that was already clear to you. Bella needs me!” – I said.

-“Bella is like this because of you!” - Charlie reproached me.

-“Don´t fight!” - Said Bella, now sobbing.

-“Bella... Princess forgive me... Never again, never again” - I repeated over and over, needing her to forgive me, right then and there...

-“No more slutty blondes?” – She asked, timidly.

Clau? Does she think that I'm still with Clau? That I can have someone else in my life ever again?

-“Nobody else, never again...” - I said honestly – “I have so much to explain to you princess... So much to compensate... But now I need you to do something for me”.

-“Mmmmmmh?” - He muttered, frowning.

-“I need you to eat... a little? Can you do it? For me?” – I asked

-“With a... condition” – She said studying me.

-“Whatever you want!” - I said, squeezing her hand tightly.

-“You... eat with me... very thin...” -She whispered, as if talking was a huge effort. Maybe in her condition he was...

-“What do you want? Whatever you want... I'm so sorry...” - I said crying even more, this time of relief. She would eat... she cared about me... she did not hate me, even if I deserved it.

-“Shhhhh... it's fine... everything's fine...” -She consoled me by caressing my hand with her little fingers.

-“Don't comfort me Isabella! I should be comforting you! Compensating to you!” - I said exasperated by her kindness.

-“And you're going to, boy... don´t doubt it” - Charlie growled.

-“Milky Way...” - She said immediately.

-“What?” - Charlie asked.

-“She wants a bar of Milky Way ... Her favorite treat” - Said Jacob leaving the room quickly.

While we waited, I caressed Bella´s face and hands, and picked up her tears before they fell, wetting the pillow.

A few minutes later Jake returned with several chocolate bars on his arms.

-“Do you want me to help you?” - I offered while taking off the wrapper of the first bar. She received it, studied it, and nibbled the tip, taking out a tiny piece.

-“More!” – I demanded putting the bar against her lips. But she shook her head.

-“Now you” - She said. I shook my head but bit the bar, showing her how it is done.

-“Now?” -I asked.

And she nodded.

And that's how we both went back to eat for the first time in three weeks...

There was still a lot to talk about, a lot to discuss and a lot to resolve. But one thing was clear: Whatever we do, we will be together. I will not turn away from her side again.

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Did Paul suffered enough? Do we forgive him? How about Charlie as a father-in-law?

This story continues, and eventually even have some Cullens!

I hope you like it!