Be Mine (English Translation) 4

Hi everyone, some clarifying before we start:

1.- Jake doesn't know that Paul has imprinted, Sam is doing his best to hide it.

2.- Imprinting in my story is a bond that goes both ways, but it´s sealed with the relationship´s consummation. The more they wait, the more they´ll suffer and need each other.

3.- This is a love/hate/angsty story, things are not gonna be simple or nice… Not at first anyways…

4.- Paul has a dirty, dirty mouth, but as it happened with my Spanish version of this fic, I realized that the "generic" cuss words are kind of limited. Each country has their own, and they´re particular to some regions… What I mean is, I´m trying to translate this fic very closely to the original, but with the insults and cusses I had to improvise, especially with those more recognizable everywhere. As you may have noticed I´m a big fan of the word "fuck" in all of its variations (it´s so versatile), and I know I tend to abuse of it.

The same goes with the word "shit". Even better if it´s something on the lines of "fucking shit"…

For example: "Alright, don´t lose your shit, you´re so fucking impatient! Damn! Stop been assholes and give me a few days to update! Jesus…!"

;)

Did you see that? I can "generically insult you" like a pro! And you should listen to me in Spanish! I´m so proud of my thirteen years of catholic school… *Sigh*.

And now, after all that rambling and showing off of my mediocre accomplishments by offending my dear new readers without any provocation, I´ll continue with the story.

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-Oh, so you think you´re funny ugh? – Se said putting a little distance between us to look at me menacingly.

-Yeeep – I answer trying to contain my laughter. For some reason I was like… Half high with endorphins and adrenaline, feeling better than I had felt in I don´t know… Months, maybe more.

I stood up and started to walk in reverse, so I wouldn´t turn my back on him, knowing that he was stalking me, waiting for the right moment to catch me. He was a wolf and I was his prey, we both knew it… And we both liked it…

And suddenly he sprang.

Capítulo 4

I feel fine and I feel good

I feel like I never should

Whenever I get this way,

I just don't know what to say

Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday?

I'm not sure what this could mean

I don't think you're what you seem

I do admit to myself that if I hurt someone else

Then we'd never see just what we're meant to be

Every time I see you falling/ Jewel

BELLA POV

Paul launched himself to me, but I dodged him on the last second, tripping with the coffee table while doing it.

-I´m not afraid – I insisted almost breathless and trying to recover my balance, when he stud in front of me, invading my personal space. God, he´s huge! And so absurdly, impossible beautiful… Dammit!

-You should – He said bending quite a bit to whisper those words in my ear. Without actually making physical contact he made me quiver, and he noticed.

-I´m not afraid – I repeated.

-Didn´t your boyfriend tell you to be careful with me? – He kept whispering, his lips almost touching my earlobe.

Oh hell! I was going to pass out or spontaneously combust or something equally drastic and embarrassing… Of course, I thought, my body had to have perfect timing to decide it was that precisely the right moment to wake up from its long hibernation.

-Jake? – I gasped.

-Yes, your boyfriend – He said in a low voice, producing me goosebumps.

-Jake isn't my boyfriend… I don´t have a boyfriend – I said shutting my eyes, overwhelmed by the multiple sensations and insanely attracted by his warmth.

-Mmmmmh… He certainly acts like your boyfriend, Princess… Maybe you should clarify to him who you belong to…

-Mmmmh… - It's all I could say. It wasn´t a real word, and I didn't intended to express anything, really; it was just an uncommitted sound of pure agony. My stomach muscles were tense, my heart was beating fast, my knees were weak, and my panties were awkwardly wet. My physical response to this guy was incredible and instantaneous.

-You want me to kiss you, don´t you? – He murmured against a corner of my mouth.

-N…N… -I exhaled with my eyes still closed and every cell of my body shouting yes please!

-Then why are your lips half open as if you were expecting a kiss? – He asked, touching me for the first time on this exchange. He took my waist and pressed my hips against his prominent erection, spinning me so it rested against my stomach, he was that tall.

Oh… Oh! Holy shit! What the hell? As Robin wisely put it, "Holy hole in a donut Batman", and he´s not wearing any underwear!

-I… Don´t… - I couldn´t finish he sentence. I was incapable of lying to him. I was incapable of constructing a coherent phrase.

-Tell me… Tell me you don't want me to kiss you and I´ll leave you alone… Tell me not to kiss you and I´ll never touch you again – He said while playfully nibbling my chin.

One, two, three seconds and I just couldn´t take it anymore.

Really, it was stronger than me…

I forcefully grabbed his hair as if ready to detain him if he tried to escape me, and directed his mouth to mine.

He didn´t escaped.

His fingers grabbed my hips and lifted me from the ground.

I immediately surrounded his hips with my legs and his neck with my arms, and Paul slid his hands so they cradled my ass.

After a moment where he seem unsure of what to do with me clinging to him, he took a decision and sited me on the kitchen table and pushed me gently so I was on my back and he had half of his body on top of me.

In that position I could feel everything. I mean it. Everything, right against my crotch.

He kept kissing me with amazing expertise (not that I had much to compare, but still) and his heat and smell envelop and intoxicated me. At least that was the excuse I gave myself for my odd behavior…

I wasn´t on my right mind… Sure, sure… But then why I felt so good? Happier, peaceful, content. For the first time in months I felt that I was… How to put it…? Oh yeah, Right where I was supposed to be.

And then one of his hands slid under my t shirt caressing my stomach while mine were descending from his wide shoulders to his arms.

-So pale… So small… - He murmured against my throat. I immediately started to feel inadequate, like he was listing my defects, pointing to my biggest insecurities.

-You´re perfect, Princess… The most exquisite woman I´ve seen – He whispered while his fingers stroked my side from my jeans to my bra, then to my belly button, then my side again... Over and over…

-Paul… - I said choked. I didn't had anything to say, and even if I did, I was in no condition to elaborate anything more complicated than a moan.

Too much, a sensorial overload… I didn´t knew the guy, and what I had heard about him so far didn't impress me at all… Well, that´s not entirely true… Honestly the architecture scholarship part of our earlier conversation did grabbed my attention, I could easily picture him buried in blueprints and using work boots and a helmet… Yum! Oh, there it is, his tongue again…

-Precious… Fuck me you´re so soft – He mumbled, and I don´t even think that he was talking to me… But kept bathing me with muffled compliments, and the thing is… While I was in his arms, I believed him.

Through his eyes my ghostly paleness transformed in skin like alabaster; my pathetic thinness in the silhouette of a sylph; my boring brown eyes in melted chocolate wells…

Of course he didn't said any of that, he 'not that corny and it would have been embarrassing anyway, but bottom line: I felt extraordinary. Through his eyes, at that moment, I was perfect, and I really needed the confidence boost after the hurricane Cullen shattered my self-esteem.

No wonder why so many girls fall for him... He´s good!

Shit! Now I´m one more on his list, one more in the harem.

Damn! But it feels so good! Please continue… Pretty please?

Suddenly his hand went up, up, until it cupped my right breast over the bra, touching tenderly, slowly… And then squeezed just a bit, and I trembled and moaned softly.

I couldn't repress it! And before I knew what the hell was happening, Paul straitened, and acting like nothing had happened said

-I think your dad must be worried, I better take you home – His voice was deep and his eyes still partially unfocused, so why was he rejecting me?

-Oh…? Oh. O…K…? – I mumbled sitting on the table and fixing my t shirt. What happened? It would always be like this for me? Every man in my life would end up discarding me? Why was I so undesirable? Do I smell? Am I a bad kisser? Teach me Paul, I can learn… Oh fuck I´m pathetic.

-Princess we will resume some other time – He said as if he knew what I was feeling – But I don´t think it´s a good idea to risk that the Chief prohibits you to come to La Push… Come, let´s go home – He said extending his hand. I took it silently, still shocked for the recent events but feeling marginally better.

We left the house.

Outside the house, on a small garage on the side, was an old sports car, perfectly preserved.

-Wow, nice color! – I commented. I had never seen a car on that shade of green. Pistachio.

-Thanks – He said not very enthusiastic, shrugging.

-What kind of cars is it? I´ve never seen one like this – I asked curious for the contrast between the aged house and the pristine car, but mainly to fill the uncomfortable silence that fell between us.

-It´s a Dodge Super Bee 1970 – He answered without looking at me. Strange, he seemed to dislike the car, but it was perfectly preserved, and it was about a million times cooler than my ancient truck.

I though guys loved cars, right? At least… They used to like them.

-Why do you hate her? – I asked. He stopped and looked at me for a few seconds and finally responded.

-It was "The Old Man´s" car… I don´t wanna talk about it – He said deviating his stare to the floor so our eyes didn't met, and opened the car´s door for me.

-Ok, last one and I shut up… Who´s "The Old Man"?

-My father – He responded, and didn´t opened his mouth again.

oooOooo

When we arrived to my place, Charlie´s patrol was already there, so we said good bye hurriedly. Paul asked me dryly for my truck´s keys to pick her up from the forest and return her to me, and I didn't discussed, too nervous to worry about details like those.

He kissed me on the lips too briefly, I got off the car, and he left.

And that was it.

No loving words, no promises, no phone numbers, nothing.

He didn´t even asked to see me again.

Charlie was watching TV as usual and he didn´t paid me too much attention, simply pleased that I was out of the house, socializing supposedly with Jacob. What would he think if he knew what kind of social life I had been having?

I went to the kitchen and defrosted a couple of steaks on the microwave while I prepared some salad and rice.

We ate quietly, because I didn´t felt like talking and Charlie never said much, so it was a particularly silent dinner.

Then I went to my room and took everything I needed to take a shower. I felt both tense and relaxed, guilty and strangely happy, and… And I missed Paul like a piece of me had stayed in his house.

How could I have changed my priorities and my vision of things in general in just a few hours? And for a guy of all things! I should have known better…A guy that I didn´t even knew… That reaction wasn't normal, not after all the suffering and heart ache I endured every second for more than four months.

That Saturday night I rolled and stirred on my bed, incapable of sleeping. I kept imagining those hands, those kisses, the warmth… It took me hours, until suddenly the anxiety diminished and my body relaxed noticeably. In a matter of minutes I fell asleep.

Sunday came and I looked out my window to discover that my truck had appeared silently on the driveway with the keys on the ignition. Meh! I guess no one felt tempted to steal her...

I´m really embarrassed to admit that I stayed all day next to the phone like a pathetic imbecile, waiting for someone to call me. Someone like Jake… Or Paul… Fuck it! Even Sam was better than no one.

But the damn thing didn´t ring once.

Sunday´s night was just like Saturday´s… I fought with myself trying to get some sleep knowing I had School the next day, but I was restless, overwhelmed with images of Paul and his kitchen table and the fact that the sonofabitch didn´t called…

And suddenly, the peace and relief… And I fell asleep.

On Monday I went to School, and despise my recent self-imposed autism I decided to be more agreeable with people. Surprisingly everyone seemed to appreciate the effort, even Jessica, who was less insufferable than usual… What can I say? I guess you harvest what you plant and I was never even nice to anyone but Angela, too blinded by the Cullen parallel dimension.

On the afternoon I had to work at Newton´s, and Mike just wouldn't leave me alone, getting to the extreme of trying to corral me in the storage room, demanding a new date now that he had recovered from his stomach virus… Like that was a possibility! No thank you puke-boy, I´ll pass.

When I arrived home I nervously checked the answering machine, but there were no new messages.

My night went like the others.

I missed Paul, and I even cried a little, increasingly restless.

He had used me. I was no different than the hundreds of others nameless girls.

What a brainless, self-flagellating idiot I was, paying attention to the worst possible candidate to take care of my battered heart.

I surely would have returned to my previous state of depression if I hadn´t been so agitated, like I didn't fitted on my own skin anymore.

oooOooo

Tuesday was pretty much the same as Monday, with the difference that when I got home and found no messages on the machine, I took matters into my own hands and dialed Jacob´s number.

-Hi – He answered with his new manly, low voice, but still sleepy like a child.

-Hi Jake, I thought we were friends – I said cutting to the chase, pretty pissed off, I may add.

-Bells! How are you? I thought that now you´ll definitely hate me! - He exclaimed.

-Why the hell would I hate you? –Did he found out about Paul and… Eh… The kitchen table…? Nah, in that case he would have hated me.

-When you told me about the leach´s attack… I lost control… If Paul wouldn't have taken you out and Sam wouldn´t have been able to restrict me… I could have hurt you… I´m so sorry Bells… - He said really affected.

-That´s a bunch of "could have´s" and "would have´s", and the important thing is that nothing happened Jake; I told you on Saturday, I love you, Jacob Black. Wolf, human o goblin, doesn´t make a difference to me – When would he understand?

-Thank you Bells… I´ll call you every day from now on… I promise! Sam prohibited me to see you alone, but we can talk… Oh! And we have a bonfire on Friday as a welcome to the new members of the Pack, and Sam said it was Ok for you to come. We´re gonna eat, tell stories and then have a party on the beach.

-Sure, I´ll love to go and see everyone, as long as that´s Ok with the Council… - I said doubtful.

-Sam´s the Big Chief now, remember? If he says it´s Ok, then It´s Ok – He assured me.

-Fine, thanks Jake, see you on Friday… Oh! And stop been an ass already and call me! – I said.

-Promised Bells – He said chuckling. I usually kept my cussing on a bare minimum, but for some reason the last few days I had been even thinking coarsely… Repressed anger issues maybe?

-You sure? – I insisted.

-Promised Bells – He repeated, obviously smiling.

-Love you Jake – I said softly.

-Love you Bells.

oooOooo

The rest of the week was virtually endless while I waited impatiently for Friday to arrive. Although it was true that the bonfire looked fun, what I secretly hoped was to have a chance to talk with Paul.

I felt increasingly more and more pathetic and ashamed for my emotional reaction to his mere presence, and let´s not even begin with the physical responses to his voice, his smell or his touch. God! What possessed me to act like that? So out of character… He must be thinking I´m a ho!

And what if Jacob finds out? Oh no! He´ll suffer and then will get mad, and then he will tell me to fuck off, and I´ll be all alone again!

I wanted to hug myself tightly and let myself die… I was pretty sure that that "humiliation" was a legitimate cause of dead.

I decided to stand up and go find out, so I went to my room and googled "cases of death by humiliation"… I didn´t get much info of cases like my own to back my hypothesis, but apparently Pakistan feels humiliated for Bin Laden´s death. Who knew…

oooOooo

Friday I didn't had to work, so I had plenty of time to search trough my closet for the right outfit to face the wolves. I had to look good but not like I was trying too hard…

Also, I had to prepare myself to be rejected by Paul, because of course he would, why else he didn´t called?

A dangerous idea crossed my mind… What if he was waiting for my call like I was waiting for his? After all, we didn´t exchanged any info, and Paul couldn´t just ask Jake for my number.

A smile illuminated my face for the first time that week and my excitement for the event augmented considerably.

Knowing La Push and its weather as I knew it, I chose function over looks, so I decided to use a tight thermal t shirt with long sleeves and a leather jacket that used to belong to Renee when she was young. I inherited it when she couldn´t fit in it anymore.

I never used it before because I consider it too tight and too short, covering up to below my waist and showing up my ass. I put on my best distressed jeans and black boots. Warm enough but still feminine… Almost sexy.

I opted for tying half of my hair, imagining that the wind would tousled it too much if I let it loose, and applied a bit of dark shadow on my eyes and gloss on my lips. Just as a precaution I didn´t used mascara… Just in case things went wrong and I ended up crying… At least I wouldn't have black lines crossing my cheeks.

I looked myself in the mirror and I liked what I saw. I had never tried this hard to look good, you know, voluntarily, and the result was worth it.

Because of my depression I was thinner than normal, but these tight clothes instead of showing it as a defect made me look cool and sophisticated… Ugh… While for me being that slender wasn't healthy and I knew it, I happened to look just like most of the young TV and music stars…

Where all of those girls malnourished? My case was the consequence of my deep sadness, what was their reason?

Ok… Not the moment…

So not the moment for pointless debates on topics that no one cares about, especially when said debates are taking place inside my head.

Focus Bella, focus.

No matter the reason, the new beauty standards favored me… Lucky me.

No matter why society´s fucked up role models imposed that the look of a famished mannequin was the way to go, I just happened to fit the standards by accident... And I would take advantage of it.

I think that was the first time that I looked at myself appreciatively. Ever.

I took my keys and droved to La Push.

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